


as if i was waiting for you (we bloom more as it aches)

by kudou



Series: destiny is often jealous of us [2]
Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Angst, Gratuitous use of italics, Hanahaki Disease, Implied Aoko/Akako, Kaito knows about Conan, M/M, Mentioned Ran/Sera/Sonoko, Post-Conan Kudou Shinichi, im sorry?, maybe???, maybe??? lmao, ran still doesn't have read receipts on
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-23 05:38:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12499992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kudou/pseuds/kudou
Summary: Right now, Kaito just wanted to see Shinichi.





	as if i was waiting for you (we bloom more as it aches)

**Author's Note:**

> here we are again!! this is the "bad ending" ver. of the other work in this series, "when you called to me (i became your flower)." this is one of the first times i've written angst, and it's simply modified from another fic, so i'm a little unsure of how this turned out.  
> title is once again from bts' "serendipity."  
> enjoy!!

It was the moment the tarp detached from the clock tower face to reveal his form, clad in the usual white, with his gaze locked onto the helicopter Shinichi sat in. It was the moment his figure landed on the adjacent rooftop ethereally, when Conan nearly forgot his entire plan. It was the moment the man Conan had only seen and chased from afar leaped after him with no hesitation when he was thrown out of an airship. It was these moments and more, when Shinichi realized he was  _ fucked. _

In the time between those memories and now (post-Conan era, if you will) what could only be described as an infatuation had sprouted, grown, and blossomed into bright red Geraniums, bold and beautiful. In Shinichi’s mind, it was much less poetic and much more “I’m going to pretend these feelings don’t exist until there’s reason not to.” He’d never admit it, but he’d been waiting for that reason for a while now.

Tonight, he would let himself be hopeful and anticipate the Suzukis’ party. Like everything the family did, it would be extravagant and fancy, almost too much so, but they were fun to go to regardless. They’d also help Shinichi be social outside of the everyday crime scene and get Ran off his back about it for a little bit, at least. And since he’d learned of Kaitou KID’s civilian identity, it was likely that he and his friends would attend as well.

He’d let himself be hopeful, if only for tonight.

“Shinichi, are you almost ready?” Ran called from somewhere else inside the house. Shinichi was currently staring himself down in the mirror, no doubt greatly increasing his chances of getting wrinkles with the intensity of his glare. Of all nights, his hair, outfit, and everything else  _ had  _ to be uncooperative with him  _ tonight? _

He was probably placing way too much emphasis on this party, considering it was guaranteed there would be more in the future. Maybe it was his intuition trying to tell him something. If so, he’d appreciate a more specific sign that tonight will go well, instead of the incredibly vague feeling of “!!!!” whenever he thought about it.

With one last icy stare at his reflection, Shinichi smoothed down his dress shirt and stepped away from the mirror, resolving that if a few hairs out of place was a deal breaker for Kaito, then the magician wasn’t worth it anyway.

(Despite thinking this to himself, deep down he still knew it wouldn’t be that simple to let go of his feelings if a situation like that did arise.)

Shinichi entered the living room where Ran was waiting to leave, furiously typing on her phone. He’d bet large amounts of money that she was currently complaining to Sonoko or Sera or  _ both  _ about his tardiness. He could only guess what kind of chaos goes on in that groupchat. Ran looked up when she heard him come in, face softening a bit.

“Aw, Shinichi, you really put in effort this time?”

Any expectation of her saying something sentimental and sappy was dashed immediately, and honestly, he wasn’t surprised. Shinichi scoffed, turning away to hide the blush he knew was coming on.

“What are you talking about? I haven’t done anything different than what I usually do for these things.” He fidgeted with the ends of his sleeves. Ran’s expression morphed into a sly one, clearly not buying it.

“Mhm. Sure. Anyways, let’s go, we’re already late because you thought you could tame the mess on your head and I’m sure Sonoko’s not going to be happy about it.”

“Oi, the insult wasn’t necessary,” He said, and leveled her with a  _ look _ only for Ran to walk past unbothered. “And Sonoko’s not happy with anything I do. I’m meeting expectations right now.”

“Meeting expectations isn’t a good thing when the expectation is that you’re gonna be late to everything.” She rolled her eyes as they exited Shinichi’s home. “Get your ass in gear and maybe you can exceed expectations for once.”

-

As predicted, Sonoko was less than thrilled when she spotted Shinichi. There was the usual lecture and insults, but upon seeing Ran her demeanor changed immediately, latching onto her arm and asking where she’d been. He needed new friends.

Shinichi gravitated away from the couple, greeting people freely and going aimlessly. While he  _ was _ actively talking with others, his mind was elsewhere. He and Ran had already been late, and Kaito didn’t make a habit of tardiness. Since they’d arrived, he knew he had been pretty obviously glancing around, searching for someone, and he willed the universe to bring that someone to him faster because he was  _ kind of _ getting impatient, now, and socializing with random people is harder than it seems.

As if Shinichi’s prayers had been answered, a pleasantly familiar voice sounded from behind him. “Looking for someone?”

Shinichi turned, suppressing the grin that threatened to take over his face to a friendly smile instead. “Well, not anymore.”

In contrast, Kaito’s grin only widened, and Shinichi took a moment to appreciate the beauty in it before returning to the conversation at hand.

“Ah, I’m so flattered.” Kaito placed a hand on his chest, feigning said flattery. “Looking for me, of all people? If I didn’t know better I’d think you were falling for me.” At this, Shinichi felt a pang of guilt in his chest but ignored it, instead rolling his eyes at the dramatic words.

“Since when does looking for a friend equate to feelings?” He countered, the hope from earlier diminishing further.  _ Ignore it, ignore it, ignore it, _ , his mind chanted. Kaito waved a hand dismissively as he stated, “The heart is a fickle thing.” He nabbed a drink from a passing waiter’s tray, changing the subject. “Did you come here by yourself? I wouldn’t really expect Mr. ‘I-spend-my-free-time-reading Sherlock Holmes’ to attend alone.” A mischievous look suspiciously similar to the one Ran gave Shinichi back at his home accompanied the words. Shinichi was endeared, despite the implications that reading Holmes wasn’t a good use of his free time. Yeah, he needed new friends.

“Nah, Ran brought me. Though that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t come otherwise, I just lose all my defense against Sonoko if she isn’t with me,” Shinichi clarified. Kaito nodded sympathetically, clearly no stranger to the girl’s temper. There was likely no one on this earth that could avoid the wrath of one Sonoko Suzuki, however Kaito certainly got special treatment while dressed as KID. Unfair, really. 

“Aoko came along with me. I told her to bring Akako as her date, even if being just in the same building with her is…” He narrowed his eyes at nothing, apparently having mini-flashbacks to whatever torment he'd been subjected to in the past. “interesting, to say the least. She was too embarrassed, though.”

The thought of bringing Kaito as Shinichi's date to one of these parties sprung up in his mind, and he chased it away as quickly as it came, not wanting to go too far down that rabbit hole. The other boy continued speaking without noticing— or at least, without commenting on— Shinichi’s small gay crisis.

“As her honorary best friend, with the TM symbol after it and everything, I have a plan. They’re both  _ so _ obviously interested in each other, I don’t even know why I have to step in, but I do what I must.” Kaito began explaining how he would play matchmaker, a deathly serious look on his face. Shinichi raised an eyebrow, amused, but a sudden wave of nausea hit him in the middle of his explanation. He hadn’t eaten or drank anything since he’d arrived, and it wasn’t flu season, so as far as he was aware there was no clear reason for the ill feeling. He didn’t want to be rude, so he attempted to fight it off for a bit, but eventually it became a bit too much to bear.

Shinichi raised a hand, signaling for Kaito to pause. “I’m sorry, Kaito, I’d like to hear the rest but I’m not feeling great all of a sudden.”

Kaito instantly looked concerned, stepping closer to gently place the back of his hand on Shinichi’s forehead and cheeks. Shinichi forced a blush down out of pure will, knowing it  _ definitely _ wouldn’t benefit him in this situation. “You don’t have a fever or look green or anything. Did you eat something bad?”

Shinichi shook his head, and stepped back, placing some distance between the two of them. “I’m going to go to the restroom for a bit, but I’ll be fine. You should go see what Aoko’s up to.” He gave him an apologetic smile, and left before Kaito could object or likely, ask to come with to help. Shinichi knew of Kaito’s caring nature for his friends, but god, having your crush witness your gross, nauseous state in a public bathroom is up there on the list of the most unromantic things ever, and Shinichi was not ready to tackle that stage in the relationship yet.

Pushing the door open to the single-person bathroom, Shinichi shut and locked it behind him. He all but slumped against it, closing his eyes and attempting to regulate his breathing. It didn’t help much, and before long he was lunging to kneel in front of the toilet as an indescribable feeling took over his body, nothing like a regular illness. Whatever was coming up his throat caused him to choke; it was scratchy, restrictive, wrong, and tears spilled over his cheeks. He coughed violently multiple times before finally heaving, eyes shut tightly as the foreign objects in his throat were expelled from his body. The process repeated a few more times until the overwhelming urge to gag subsided, and he fell against the wall exhaustedly. His hands were shaking, his entire body weak, and with great effort he opened his tired eyes. Immediately, what was in the toilet (and in turn, what up until a few seconds ago was  _ in his body) _ caught his attention. The deep red color made him assume blood, and he nearly panicked over the implications of throwing up that much blood, and only blood, until he looked closer. What was actually there was almost worse.

Geraniums. Red. Clusters of the flower’s petals glared back at him from the bowl, and Shinichi never thought that flowers usually considered beautiful could instill such a deep sense of dread within him. It felt like his heart dropped to his stomach, like time stopped, like everything he’d ever done up to this point was for nothing, considering a sign that his feelings weren’t mutual was sitting right in front of him, bolded, highlighted, large font, and colored red. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he absently thought of what the flowers might mean  _ (Stupidity, _ previous knowledge supplied helpfully, and he could only think that it was appropriate). Shinichi simply sat there, gazing at the flowers for what felt like hours, when a knock at the door made him startle.

“Shinichi?” Kaito’s voice was muffled through the door, but he could still hear the worry in it.  _ Fuck,  _ he thought.  _ Of all people to come find me. _ In any other situation, it would probably be exactly what he wanted, but currently, the anxiety and unease from earlier only intensified. He dropped his head back against the wall. He couldn’t stay at the party. More importantly, he couldn’t stay near Kaito. The thought pained him, going against the feelings he’d had for so long, but the looming threat of flower petals crawling up his throat again hurt more.

“I’m here,” Shinichi weakly responded, wincing at how raspy his voice sounded. He cleared his throat before speaking again. “I must have caught a stomach bug or something. I’ll be out in a second, but then I’m going home to rest.” He eyed the Geraniums the entire time he spoke. The lie came easier than he wished it would, and memories of being Conan washed over him and left a bitter taste in his mouth. Or maybe that was from the flowers? Whatever, it felt terrible either way.

“Do you want me to help you get home? I’m sure Aoko would understand, it’s no big deal, really,” Kaito offered. Bless his heart, he was still worrying while Shinchi was planning to avoid him at all costs after tonight.

Wow, he was an asshole.

“No, no, I can make it myself,” Shinichi tried to assure him. “I just gotta recover for a sec and then I’ll be fine. Thank you anyways.”

There was tense silence for a few moments, but Kaito gave him a short, “Okay, I’ll tell Mouri,” And he was gone. The side of Shinichi that still lov— _ liked  _ Kaito yearned for him to come back and comfort him, but the rational side knew it couldn’t and shouldn’t happen. With one last look at the flowers in the toilet, Shinichi considered taking some with him to inspect later, but quickly decided against it. They were already wet and gross and would only put him in a tough situation if someone were to see.

Besides, he knew more would show up later.

-

After a tiny mourning session back at home consisting of curling up in bed with as many blankets as possible and ignoring all of Ran’s attempts to get in contact with him, Shinichi started to think rationally again. The surgery was always an option—and the best one, too, but the idea of not having feelings for Kaito anymore after having them for so long was… a little scary, if he was being honest. He didn’t know what it would be like. But it didn’t seem much scarier than vomiting flowers over and over until… the inevitable. 

To be fair, it could also go away if his feelings were returned, but… Shinichi didn’t put too much faith in that option. If they weren’t reciprocated already, evident by the flowers growing in his lungs, he didn’t expect them to be anytime soon. He’d thrown up once more since he’d gotten back before passing out in bed, and he was sure that every time it happened in the future it would only break his spirit more. 

...Alright, that was a bit dramatic, but the point stands.

It was a few days later when Shinichi finally texted Ran to placate her worries. He probably should’ve much earlier, like when the incident initially happened, but he wanted that time to be over the top and in his feelings before dealing with anything else. He already knew he was a bad friend, anyway.

**Ran**

Kuroba told me u left because ur sick???  _ 2 days ago _

Shinichi are u okay  _ 2 days ago _

Shinichi text me back now  _ 2 days ago _

SHI

NI

CHI  _ 2 days ago _

Fine be like that then  _ 2 days ago _

Kudo Shinichi if u don’t text me back in the next 5 minutes I’m calling ur mother  _ 1 day ago _

If ur dead in a ditch somewhere I’ll be very sad so text me back or call me or s/t _ 1 day ago _

Good morning possibly dead best friend, I’m getting breakfast with Aoko at 10:30 if ur alive and willing  _ 2 hours ago _

Wow, 10 texts, thanks for pulling out all the stops Ran

Call off the search party because I’m alive

Debatably

_ Delivered _

I’ll save yelling at u for in person because it’s easier

So anyway, “debatably”?????

Yes, debatably

_ Delivered _

………………………..Ok

Are u coming to breakfast or not

Uh actually would you mind coming over

I know it’s bad timing, sorry

_ Delivered _

Shinichi felt guilty just asking, and after waiting minutes for a response, only felt worse. Ran already had plans, and had been so gracious to still invite him to breakfast after going MIA for days. Maybe he could just talk with her about it later. He began typing out an excuse to backpedal when the bubble indicating she was typing as well popped up.

**Ran**

I’ll come but u have to make it up to Aoko

I pushed our plans to lunch

I know, I will

Thank you

_ Delivered _

Shinichi let out a sigh of relief. As much as he wanted to, this wasn’t something he could really keep to himself, and he doubted that Ran would appreciate him breaking the news over text.  He glanced around his messy room, and decided they could talk in the main living room. Cleaning wasn’t his biggest priority at the moment. He made his way downstairs with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders like a king's cape (though he'd be quite the sad excuse for any kind of ruler right now), not bothering to change out of his sweatpants and oversized t-shirt unless he had to leave the house. There were a few things strewn about here and there that Shinichi rearranged as needed, and when he was finished he plopped on the couch to play with his phone until Ran showed up; it wouldn’t take long.

About 5 minutes into mindlessly scrolling through social media, a somewhat familiar feeling gathered in Shinichi’s throat. He recognized it as the same brand of nausea he'd experienced at the party just days ago.  _ No, no, no, no, this is not the time,  _ He thought.  _ This is not how I wanted to explain. _ He stumbled to the bathroom and clutched the edge of the sink as red petals tore their way out of his throat. Violent coughs wracked his body, same as before, and he gave a weak glare to the petals that had already escaped. As if in retaliation for the look, more came up and caused him to gag.

“Shinichi?” Ran’s voice echoed through the house to the bathroom.  _ Ha, talk about déjà vu,  _ Shinichi thought wryly.  She’d probably been waiting outside for a while and decided to just let herself in. He tried and failed to force down the rest of the petals, ending up spitting them into the hand he’d slapped against his mouth. They were real, he could tell, and surprisingly in perfect condition minus being covered in his saliva. He let them fall from his palm to join the rest in the sink. A repeat of his name, coming from the doorway this time, made him jump, turning to face Ran staring at the red petals.

“Ah, so... what is this?” She asked, clearly confused. “Did you need to take an aesthetic-looking picture for your blog or something?”

Shinichi chuckled slightly, breathing still a bit labored. “Well, I… I wish that’s all it was. Let’s…” he gestured outside of the bathroom, leaving the petals to be gathered up later. The pair returned to the living room, where he took a seat and wrapped his abandoned blanket back around him.

“If it wasn’t already obvious, um… I have, uh, feelings. For Kaito. Romantic ones,” He admitted. Ran gave him a look that said it was definitely already obvious. He took this as a cue to continue and did so nervously. “At the Suzukis’ party the other night, we were talking. Everything was going fine but then I started feeling sick, like he told you, so I said I’d be back and went to the bathroom. I thought maybe way earlier I’d eaten something bad, or needed air, I don’t know. I went to throw up, and…” Shinichi trailed off, fingers fidgeting with a geranium petal he didn’t know he’d brought with. He tossed it on the couch between them and his eyes fixed on it as it fell. Ran was smart, she’d get it. He could tell the moment it clicked for her when she reached for his hand, sympathy written all over her face. He looked away.

“Oh, Shinichi, I’m so sorry. What are you going to do? You’re going to get the surgery, aren’t you?” She asked. The silence following her question must have been answer enough, because she tugged his hand towards her and a warning tone entered her voice. “Shinichi…”

“I don’t know, okay? It’s all complicated,” He groaned, tipping his head back and throwing an arm over his eyes. “I know I should go through with the surgery, realistically, but I’m just not sure. Ugh, I feel like I’m a stupid teenager with a stupid crush. This is stupid. It’s stupid.”

“It’s a disease, Shinichi, it’s not stupid.”

“Well, I’m stupid for catching feelings in the first place. Honestly, we wouldn’t have worked out anyway. I should have stopped myself, or something.” He left out the part about not working because he was a detective and Kaito was an internationally wanted jewel thief in his spare time, and instead let Ran make her own assumptions as to what he meant.

“You can’t just stop how you feel. Don’t beat yourself up so much for something you can’t control.” She reached over and pulled his arm away from his face. He pouted at her in response. “Don’t give me that look, either. Do you still wanna come to lunch?”

Shinichi mulled it over as he pulled his knees to his chest. He kind of wanted to keep moping with his fuzzy blanket, but that was sad, and getting old, and he kind of needed to leave the house before he got cabin fever. And now, Ran would understand if anything happened. “Yeah, I guess.””

Ran smiled and nudged his side with her foot. “Go get changed, then. We can come back here and talk more about it later, if you want.”

-

One change of clothes later, Shinichi and Ran made their way to the little café they’d picked out for lunch. He’d been there in the past, and knew for a fact they made good coffee, so even if all else failed he had that to lean on.

The pair stepped inside, glancing around to find Aoko’s table. In his search, because it seemed that the universe would never be on his side, Shinichi locked eyes with none other than Kaito Kuroba himself. Next to him, Aoko waved him over as if nothing was wrong with this arrangement. Of course, to her, there wasn’t, and there was no way she could’ve known that Shinichi was planning on never seeing the magician again for probably the rest of his life. He couldn’t place the blame on her.

Shinichi tugged on Ran’s sleeve and walked to the table, hearing her breath hitch slightly behind him when she noticed their unexpected guest. He offered Aoko and Kaito a slight smile, definitively taking the seat in front of the former. Ran took the seat next to him, shooting him a consoling look before turning to greet their friends.

Some masochistic side of Shinichi hoped Kaito was confused by the action, but he didn’t dare look.

“Kuroba! We didn’t expect you to see you here.” Ran picked up the menu to scan.

“He’s just here to mooch off of me,” Aoko explained flatly, narrowing her eyes at the boy in question. He gasped in mock offense, directing a hurt expression Aoko’s way.

“I would do no such thing! Who do you take me for?” Kaito said.

“Oh, so you  _ don’t _ want me to pay for your food, then?”

At this, he smiled sheepishly. “No, I do.”

“That’s what I thought.” Aoko turned to Ran and instantly brightened. “So, what made you postpone? ‘Shinichi issues’ isn’t the most specific explanation.”

Shinichi shot Ran a scandalized look, answering before she had the chance. “Boy troubles. No, I won’t tell you what boy it is, and no, Ran won’t either.” Aoko narrowed her eyes at him next, clearly unsatisfied. It wasn’t a  _ complete _ lie, and it let him steer away from the topic quickly.

Some masochistic side of Shinichi hoped Kaito was hopeful too, but he didn’t dare ask.

The group ordered their food and drinks, conversation flowing freely. Shinichi wished he wasn't enraptured in the joy on Kaito's face whenever he laughed, or that he hadn't correctly guessed that Kaito would get a slice of chocolate cake. Everything Kaito did drew him in like a moth to a flame, and Shinichi worried he’d be sick again.

The girls were having their own conversation, one Shinichi was only half tuned into. His gaze slowly, unconsciously moved to Kaito, who looked much more interested than he. It seemed like he sensed someone was watching him, and his eyes flickered to Shinichi's, a question in them. The detective quickly focused on inspecting the coffee stains on the table instead, but Kaito wasn’t having it.

“Shinichi, have you been feeling better since the party?” The question sent a bolt of anxiety through his veins that he had to fight against as he looked back up at Kaito. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Ran glance at him, but continued her chat with Aoko. “I would’ve called to check up on you, but I figured Mouri would have it covered.”

“I guess. Stomach bugs like that usually don’t last long, anyway,” Shinichi avoided the other boy’s searching gaze, tracing outlines on the table where mugs had previously sat with his finger. Kaito hummed, still staring at him, and it made his skin crawl. He’d become warier to others watching him since being Conan, and despite knowing there were no enemies around now he couldn’t relax.

“It’s weird you caught one in the first place, since it’s not the season for it,” Kaito said, and Shinichi detected an almost accusatory tone in his voice. Shit, he’s probably caught on to the fact that he’s not being truthful. Shinichi wasn’t about to elaborate, so he only shrugged and focused back on Aoko and Ran. They were talking about the Suzuki party, so Shinichi made sure to try and listen more intently. He might as well catch up on what he missed, even if it’s just vicariously living through the girls’ recounts of it.

After a few moments, he couldn’t feel Kaito’s stare on him anymore and he untensed. Shinichi hoped that after today, he wouldn’t be alone with him again. He’d definitely be interrogated for acting all weird and avoidant, and he didn’t have a reason other than the truth, which would  _ never  _ come to light if he could help it. It was suffocating having to practically ignore Kaito, but there wasn’t any other option for the time being. He checked the time on his watch, wondering if they’d been there long enough that it wouldn’t be rude to leave (they hadn’t). As a compromise, he excused himself to the bathroom.

Shinichi didn’t enter a stall when he went in the bathroom, opting to instead examine himself in the mirror. He’s… certainly looked better. His dark circles are much more prominent, his skin at least a shade paler, and he debated whether his cheeks had gotten hollower or if he was just projecting. A tired sigh escaped him and he backed up to lean against the wall with closed eyes. Who would've guessed that having a debilitating disease would be this exhausting? 

The door opening to the bathroom caused him to startle, eyes snapping open, and when Kaito walked in Shinichi concluded that no, the universe will never  _ ever _ be on his side.

“What’s wrong with you?” The question was blunt and took Shinichi a bit by surprise. His hands came together in front of him to fidget uneasily.

“What are you talking a—”

“Don’t.” Kaito interrupted, face stony. “Don’t pull that with me. Just tell me what’s going on.”

As Shinichi had predicted, he’d been suspicious the whole time. A mixture of guilt and annoyance swirled inside him. “I’ve been locked inside my house for three days straight, that’s what’s going on,” He snapped. “You know human interaction isn’t the easiest thing in the world for me on normal days, why would it be better after being alone for so long?”

Kaito raised an eyebrow. “You’d really act like an ass to your friends just because you’ve been cooped up inside too long?”

“If that’s what you think I’ve been like, then I  _ guess so." _ Shinichi was getting irritated now. He just wanted Kaito to leave him alone so he could deal with his stupid feelings in peace.

“It’s not what I think you’ve been like, it’s what you  _ have  _ been like. I’m only trying to help. Even if you don’t want to hear the advice other people are trying to give you, you don’t have to brush them off and make them think  _ they  _ fucked something up when it’s  _ you." _

Shinichi almost visibly winced at the harsh statement. Of course he knew he was fucking it up, Christ, it was on purpose, but somehow being called out for it and reminded of the consequences of his actions for other people made it worse. It made him aware of what he was doing when he didn't want to be. All of Kaito’s words rang true but he didn’t want to be reminded that he was a terrible friend right now when he already knew. 

Shinichi wasn't sure if it was possible for the situation at hand to somehow get worse, but his luck made sure to come through and show him it was. Nausea swiftly flooded his senses and he staggered as if he’d lost balance, regaining himself by leaning a hand on the closest stall. A quick glance at Kaito's face showed thinly veiled concern in place of the fury he expected to see. 

Another wave of nausea hit him and the thought of getting Kaito the hell out of here before he threw up again glowed like a flashing exit sign in the darkness of his mind. Shinichi gathered his bearings and leveled Kaito with a look. 

_ "Listen.  _ We can talk about this later, but not now. Just go.” 

Kaito appeared defiant. “I'm not leaving until I get answers, Shinichi, and you don't look so good anyways. Stop trying to push everyone who's trying to help you away.”

No matter the weight of truth in his words, Shinichi wouldn’t bargain right now. He stumbled backwards towards one of the stalls. “I'm serious, get out.”

“I'm serious too, I'm not going.”

“Just leave me—,” Shinichi choked on the words when the ever familiar feeling of soft geranium petals tearing up his throat appeared. He lunged to open the stall door and at the same time he tried to close it behind him, Kaito held it open.

“What are you trying to do—” He cut himself off when Shinichi doubled over, retching in a more violent way than he had before. Red petals cascaded out from behind his lips and gently fell to the floor in front of him. If he was able to look over and gauge Kaito's reaction, he guessed he'd see confusion, or disgust, or more anger. Shinichi supposed he was grateful he couldn’t really look right now.

It went on much longer than the past attacks have, and as a result even more petals piled on the floor than usual. By the time he was only coughing up a petal or two every few seconds and had wiped his tears away with the back of his sleeve, the stall was silent minus Shinichi's pathetic sniffles every so often. He found half a mind to still be angry and turned to Kaito.

“Satisfied?”

Kaito stumbled over his words, obviously not expecting the scene that had just unfolded in front of him, and held his hands up in defense. “I—I didn't know—”

“Go,” Shinichi said icily, staring back down at the petals on the ground. 

“But—”

“Just  _ fucking _ leave,” He bit out. At that, the other boy finally left, leaving Shinichi to his own devices. If a few more tears fell that weren't the result of him throwing up petals, no one was around to notice. He forced himself to stay mad, and vehemently  _ not  _ guilty, essentially blaming Kaito for the painful experience. Well, if you thought about it hard enough, it was kind of his fault? Either way, this was for his, and Kaito’s, own good. 

He did his best to clean up the flowers by scooping them into the toilet and flushing, even if it probably wasn't great for the sewage system. He didn't think he'd ever consider this, but he was kind of grateful he threw up on the floor instead of having his face near a public restroom toilet at all. Small miracles.

Once the scene was clear, Shinichi left the stall and dragged his weak, tired body to the sink so he could wash his hands. At the same time, he took a look in the mirror, unsurprised to find a new sickly tinge to his skin. His eyes were rimmed red from having tightly shut his eyes, forcing tears out, and if he wasn't standoffish before he definitely would be now. He tried to fix himself up a bit, and when he deemed himself presentable enough for someone who just threw up and cried in a public bathroom, he steeled himself to go back to the table.

To put it simply, it was awkward when he returned. The girls were making easy conversation and Kaito put in his own comments every now and then, but Shinichi mostly kept to himself. He couldn’t tell if the tension in the air between he and Kaito was as apparent to anyone else as it was to him, but he's sure Ran had her suspicions of what happened and he’d be answering her questions later. 

After spending as much time in the restroom as he did, he figured now was an acceptable time to leave as any. Kaito would probably pick up on his excuse to leave, but Shinichi couldn’t really bring himself to care.

“Ran, aren’t you meeting with Sonoko and Sera later?” Shinichi asked when there was a lull in conversation. Even though he was essentially using her plans as a means to get out of here, hopefully she’d go along with it without incident.

“Ah, you’re right,” Ran checked the time, “We should probably go.”

“Aw, you’re leaving?” Aoko looked sad to see them go as she motioned for Kaito to stand, too. “I guess we should also get going, then.”

They paid their bill at the front, with Aoko grumbling to Kaito about lunch being on him next time, to which he saluted her and marched similarly to a soldier all the way out the door. Shinichi suppressed the small smile that threatened to come on, trying to maintain his annoyance from what happened in the restroom. His dumb feelings could take the backseat on this one. When he’d paid for his own meal and everything had been accounted for, they met Kaito outside to go their separate ways.

“Next time we can definitely get breakfast like we’d planned,” Ran assured, “and I’m sure this one won’t be so moody by then.” She elbowed Shinichi as she said it, and he simply glared at her. He knew he was acting childish, but she didn’t have to call him out, especially in front of Kaito. He was sure the magician thought he was just being a dick to everyone, now (Shinichi wasn’t sure that his thinking would be wrong). The group said their goodbyes, and Shinichi and Ran went to the car they came in while Kaito and Aoko were walking back.

Some masochistic side of Shinichi hoped Kaito’s stare would linger on him as he left, but he didn’t dare look back. 

-

The next KID heist was held on the 6th of the month, the full moon shining down on the crowds that had gathered outside the building. The target this time was the Drop of the Sun, a yellow topaz that was prophesied to contain rays of the sun that shone in the moonlight.

Shinichi knew all this because he was attending the heist.

He was attending the heist because he had what Ran would no doubt call a very,  _ very _ stupid plan.

Between lunch with Ran and now, he’d finally seriously considered what to do about his… affliction. Once they’d gotten back to Shinichi’s home, he immediately threw up again, and after that it only got more frequent, and it only got more painful. His constantly sore throat and fear of needing to rush to a secluded area in public  _ just in case  _ brought him to conclude that the surgery was the only perceivable solution. His efficiency at work, his sociability, everything had started to be affected, and romantic feelings be damned, he was done with putting his emotions before logic, and the operation would be proof of it.

Before it was performed, however, Shinichi figured he wouldn’t let years of pining go to waste. He’d confess, tonight, and at least then he’d have it out in the open. An explanation for everything that's happened, everything he's put his friends through. After the surgery, he’d have peace of mind.

He couldn’t deny the nervousness running through his veins as he waited with the police force inside for the clock to strike nine. There were only mere minutes left before he’d be dodging traps set up for them, and (hopefully) meeting KID on the roof without incident.

Shinichi eyed his watch until there was only a minute left, carefully slipping away from the police as KID likely had something set up to stop most of them in their tracks as soon as they sprung into action. Around the corner but still with a view of the target gem, he waited out the remaining time alone. At presumably nine o’clock, the lights went out, and Shinichi prepared to hit the ground running if necessary. 

_ “Ladies and gentlemen!” _

-

By the time KID was fleeing to the roof with the Drop of the Sun, Shinichi had grown suspicious of something. None of the traps set seemed to be for him, only ensnaring the police force. Any direction he’d go, there was nothing in his way unless an officer was in the vicinity, in which case they’d be caught in it and Shinichi was left to go free. He considered it wishful thinking or just coincidence—after all, he wasn’t sure if KID even knew he was here—until he stepped around a corner, unthinking, and one of the officers immediately grabbed his shoulder to halt him from going further. Instead of Shinichi being stuck in some mysterious hardening slime, another policeman that  _ hadn’t  _ been warned was. When it happened, he glanced behind him to question who stopped him, but there was no one there. If he was more simple-minded, or just didn't know better, he might suspect it had been a ghost, but he knew the mystery man wasn't cloaked in a white sheet, but rather a suit.

Shinichi didn’t understand  _ why  _ this was happening, per se, in fact it was the part that confused him most, but he didn’t dwell on it as he pursued the thief to the roof. When he pushed open the door, he was greeted with KID’s back to him, the hand the gem was held in outstretched towards the moon. From what Shinichi could see, the gem did shine gold as it was rumored to, but apparently it wasn’t what KID was looking for as he simply poofed it out of sight and turned to face Shinichi.

“Meitantei, didn’t expect to see you tonight,” He said in an even tone. Shinichi nearly scoffed and called him a liar after pulling him out of danger from his own trap, but decided it would be counterproductive. He could cut the tension in the air with a knife as it is, and Shinichi’s snark wasn’t warranted. 

“Well, I’m here.” He spread his arms to the side with a wry smile to indicate, yes, he was there, and took a deep breath before speaking again. “I’m sorry. I know it might not sound sincere, but I promise it is. You and all of our friends didn’t deserve to be victim to the way I was acting. I’m assuming you figured out exactly what’s… wrong with me since that day we all went to lunch. And that’s also part of why I’m here, because I shouldn’t have gotten mad with you. Like, you said things that were true and that I needed to recognize but I was just blindly following my emotions so I didn’t want to acknowledge it. I was just being dumb.”

KID hadn’t even moved, pokerface still perfectly in play. Shinichi continued.

“To address the disease—hanahaki, that is… I’ve come to terms with the unrequited feelings thing. Obviously, considering I’m here and doing this.” KID was likely already connecting the dots.  _ Alright, Shinichi, _ the detective thought,  _ rip it off like a bandaid, you can do this, you can tell him.  _

“Meitantei…” KID started in a wary voice. Shinichi went on anyway.

“Kaito,” the boy in question tensed from his civilian name being used in their current situation, “I’m in love with you. I have been for a long time,” Shinichi confessed. He couldn’t keep looking at Kaito as he tried fighting the pink he knew was coloring his cheeks. 

“And based on the flowers I’ve been coughing up for a little while now, you don’t feel the same. But like I said, I’ve come to terms with it, and I don’t want this to come between us. I’m getting the… the feelings and petals removed next week, so after then everything will be back to normal and we can put this entire thing behind us.”

“Ah… well, that does make sense,” Kaito said, a slight chuckle accompanying his words. Shinichi made eye contact with him again, waiting for the adverse reaction he thought he would get. Instead, there was only the infamous and ingenuine poker face Shinichi wished Kaito wouldn’t put up around him. It was only moderately less hurtful to see than what he’d expected. “I’m sorry to say, but you’re right, the feeling isn’t mutual, but… I’m just as willing to put this behind us as you are.”

Shinichi let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, closing his eyes and giving a short nod. “Right. I’m glad,” He said as he opened his eyes again. “Well, I suppose that’s all I came here for.” 

Kaito smiled, and Shinichi couldn’t tell if it was genuine or not. “I accept your apology, too, and I feel like I should apologize also. I admit that I said some things that were overstepping my boundaries, but I’m grateful you could see the fault in your actions.”

“I accept your apology as well. I’ll get going then, so… thanks for hearing me out.”

“Of course, Meitantei, anytime.” Kaito gave him a charming grin, one he knew was reserved for his phantom thief persona, and Shinichi felt a twang in his chest. He ignored it, knowing thinking too deeply into it wasn’t worth it at this point. Come this time next week, the feelings of affection for one of his closest friends that had plagued him for so long would be gone. He turned to leave with a short wave, and heard the swoosh of Kaito’s hang glider hitting the air behind him.

That… could’ve gone worse. Shinichi thought it actually went pretty okay, despite it being kind of awkward and stilted. Take that, Ran, his plan didn’t turn out that stupid after all.

-

A week after his heist, while curled up in bed, Kaito sent a text to Shinichi wishing him well with the operation. Things weren’t really… less uncomfortable yet, but he could only hope that after today they’d be better. Was it rude of him? To feel like they’d be more comfortable with each other once Shinichi’s feelings were gone? 

For the sake of his own conscience, Kaito said no.

It had already been a few hours since he’d sent the text, so Shinichi was probably done by now, and simply recovering. From what he’s heard, they usually keep patients for a few hours after the surgery just to keep an eye on them and perform other routine checks, so maybe Shinichi would be able to have visitors? He could go with Aoko, or Ran, or something.  _ If Hakuba wants to visit, he can figure that out on his own time,  _ he thought a bit bitterly. Whatever, right now Kaito just wanted to see Shinichi.

...Wait, what? Why is that one of the first things he thought of? Why did he have the urge to see him so bad? It hadn’t even been a week since they’d spoken, and he  _ knows  _ the doctors are reliable, so there’s really no margin for... error, or worry, or anything like that. 

Kaito wrote off the nauseous feeling in the pit of his stomach as anxiety, possibly just the uncertainty of the wellbeing of one of his friends, and tried to focus on his phone again. 

Tried, being the keyword there, as not even two minutes later the nausea intensified enough to make him dizzy. He tore the blankets away from his body and stumbled out of bed, and in his aim for the bathroom nearly tripped over everything including his own feet on the way there. When he made it, he kneeled in front of the toilet and lurched, emptying the contents of his stomach with a dry cough. God, this was weird, he didn’t usually get  _ this  _ nervous about anything except possibly a risky heist. He first thought that maybe he’d caught an illness, and that mixed with his worry had caused a reaction or something, but dismissed it quickly after noticing just what had come up his throat. 

Carnations. Pink. With his extensive knowledge of flower language, he understood the meaning instantly.

‘I’ll never forget you.’


End file.
